The Worst Marketing In The World Is For Electric Scooters

I had high hopes for the video after the break, based on its title: Due to Airwheel, people can reinvent their routes with creativity, making space for fun.

Finally, I thought, someone will lay out a case for buying and using an electric scooter.

Um, no.

Due to Airwheel, people can reinvent their routes with creativity, making space for fun.

Just what the fuck was that?

No words at all. Nothing at all to do with the promising title. No information whatsoever.

And I don’t want it to seem like I’m singling out Airwheel. Every company that posts a video on YouTube to tout their eScooter does something just as bad. Sometimes even worse, including warranty-voiding and eScooter-damaging shit like stunts:

Stop it. Stop all of this shit.

I’m sick of seeing images of people who would never buy an eScooter — like models — ineptly swerving around on them. They’re not the damn market. These aren’t people who would ever buy a damn eScooter.

Getting a marketing education is free. Thank the Internet for that.

Any imbecile can read the brilliant ads that both Sony and Apple used over the decades. They’re masterclasses in themselves.

Why the hell isn’t there any eScooter ad like this one:

Why should anyone even consider buying an eScooter? Start there. Then educate them about why yours is better.

And stop with the mindless imagery. Being a pretty computer was only part of what made Apple successful. Apple made a case for owning a computer in the home:

Make the case for owning an eScooter! Must I list the reasons? That’s called labor. Pay me for it.

And don’t tell me that you can’t afford print ads. If you do that, you’re an idiot beyond hope. Where did I say to place print ads? Nowhere.

The world is sold via YouTube these days. If all of you can afford to put a damn video on YouTube that looks professionally shot (but usually has atrocious music!), you can damn well stop and think about what’s best to put up first.

Everyone thinks they can be Apple cool. Apple earned that cool over decades of groundwork.

Everyone in eScooters wants to market like this:

Ipod Ad

That type of ad appeared only after everyone knew what the hell an iPod was and why they would want one and use one.

This is what came first:

First iPod Commercial 2001

And without words being used, it’s presenting a contrast between having music trapped at home versus being able to take it along with you — in your pocket. Let me draw a picture for idiots: Man behind the wheel of a car. Stuck in a traffic jam. Sees an off-ramp. Gets off the freeway. Parks. Opens his trunk. Pulls out an eScooter. Passes all the stuck cars.

BAM! Done!

But wait! Before that first iPod ad came the marketing for it:

First ipod Commercial 2001

But wait! Even before that, Sony had created the entire market for portable music:

1981 Sony Walkman Commercial

But wait! Even before Sony …


How far back must I go to make this point? To the Ford Model T?

OK. let’s do that! Because it makes the point brilliantly (underneath the annoying watermark):

Advertisement for Ford Model T and other Ford cars, 1922

Ford knew how to market and advertise cars better in 1922 than any manufacturer knows how to do so for an eScooter in 2017!

I’m running out of breath screaming here.

Marketing and advertising aren’t mysteries. Even the damn Nazis mastered them. (How’s that for bringing in Godwin in a way no one would ever expect?)

There is no excuse for the idiocy I see in the eScooter marketplace. Have you no shame? Have you any brains?

Rise above being a bottom-feeder!

All of you can do better.

Do so!

Previously here:

eScooters category

This entry was posted in eScooters, So Stupid It Hurts, Video. Bookmark the permalink.

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