Everything Sucks And Nothing Works Right

That’s the sentiment created in me as I use YouTube more and more.

The shortcomings of YouTube are driving me up the wall. And then I’m reminded that even the things touted as “the best” really suck. iOS sucks. Android sucks. MacOS sucks. Windows sucks. Phones suck. TV sucks. Movies suck. Books suck. People suck.

That’s not what I go to YouTube for, to be reminded that everything is bad.

But even that litany of suckage is no excuse for not making things better.

I’ll give YouTube credit for this:

After frikkin years and years, someone finally caught on that copying a YouTube Share URL was an inhumane process on touchscreens. So they made it a one-touch button. But how damn long did that take? Such a delay is just inexcusable.

When I see things like that — all over the place — I have to wonder if any of the people who make things ever use the things they make!

Because let me tell you, if I was working at YouTube, I’d redesign the damn thing from the ground up.

And that ground is indexing.

I’ll try to restrain myself here because such obvious faults — which anyone who uses YouTube would notice — make me want to engage in language that I’m trying not to use in this blog. (I could not so restrain myself in person with anyone in charge at YouTube, however! It comes with getting those fat salaries while not doing your jobs. Deal with it.)

The first page I see stinks.

I want more Recommendations and I shouldn’t have to click See More for that. You know why? Because everything that follows Recommendations are also Recommendations! They’re just not called that. Does YouTube think bundling other videos together under a Topic label or showing old videos under a Channel label is anything other than Recommendations? Do they think we’re all stupid?!

I don’t want to see all that crap after Recommendations. It’s all wrong to begin with. I’m being shown Channels I might have watched a single video from. Did I Subscribe? No. So that should tell someone — even a damned algorithm — that I don’t then want to see older videos from the same Channel. Why does this not make sense over there in YouTube Coderville?

And under those con-game Topic and Channel labels, why am I being shown videos I’ve already seen? What a waste of electrons! How irritating! How bad are the YouTube algorithms that they can’t distinguish watched videos from unwatched?

And those Topic labels are a joke in themselves. I’ve seen videos listed that have no connection to the topic. Is the YouTube algorithm sniffing glue? How does something like that even happen?

And here’s a kick in the face: Sometimes the videos that are under a Channel label are Channels I already Subscribe to. What? Does YouTube think I’m developing Alzheimer’s and can’t tell or I need to be reminded?

YouTube Search is an absolute embarrassment. I don’t know how anyone connected with YouTube can sleep at night over it. Are they all sadists?

Today — with nothing else in my sights to post about — I’ve been diving deep back into videos related to The Greatest Showman. No matter whether I view by Relevance, View Count, or Date Uploaded, it’s inevitable that something will show up in the sidebar that should have appeared in one of those searches as a result — but didn’t! It’s like there’s a secret section of YouTube inaccessible to Search! Things just pop to the surface, like a dead body suddenly rising from underwater. Surprise!

I don’t want to be surprised like that. It’s frustrating to see that not everything is being revealed to me when I ask for it.

Subscriptions. Why do some people get a dialog with Notifications choices?

I’ve never gotten that.

What I have gotten is that idiotic Bell — which is so unintuitive that the person who originally thought of it and all the people who approved it have probably all since died of brain aneurysms — being deselected behind my back so that I wind up with a video listed under Subscriptions I was never Notified about! And that happens sometimes even when I go check to see if the Bell — that stupid, stupid, stupid Bell! — is still activated. It is!

PLAN NINE: “Your Stupid Minds! Stupid! Stupid!”

There shouldn’t be any separation between Subscribing and Notifying. When the Subscribe button is hit, then a dialog should be given asking about Notifications. How hard is it for anyone to see that?

Indexing. How the hell are videos indexed that Search results suck and all Recommendations — including the crap they list after Recommendations but don’t call Recommendations — often include videos I have zero interest in? I mean, it’s really beyond zero interest most times. It’s like imaginary negative number interest! It’s like someone suffering from schizophrenia is on the other side of the screen asking me to join their club. That’s how inexplicable it is!

With just about every tech company invading everyone’s privacy these days, you’d think YouTube would be paying as much attention to what someone watches to make great recommendations. Or does this only happen with AdWords and AdSense on the Google side of the ledger? Why can’t YouTube’s content get that kind of love?

If YouTube properly indexed things, a lot would be possible for both YouTube and viewers. Since this is all unpaid thinking for YouTube’s greater benefit (hint: they’ll make money, I won’t), I’ll list just three:

1) Ads would be targeted better. I had to say that first. Money is attractive to The Man.

2) History wouldn’t be one long list. It’d be auto-categorized. I wouldn’t have to scroll scroll scroll to find something I saw but Search can’t find. It’d be under a Category in History for — god and all the heavenly host help us — easy retrieval. (Don’t anyone at YouTube dare tell me that’s what a Playlist is for or I’ll cut you! Viewers start out not even knowing if they’ll need a Playlist. I didn’t with The Greatest Showman videos and now it’s waaaay too damn late to even start one. And how many damn Playlists would we wind up having? I recently deleted a bunch. And does anyone at YouTube even realize what a horrific process that is? No!)

3) YouTube would be more inviting as a destination than it is. Because let me tell you, it needs to become that fast. Carl Sagan-like billions and billions of dollars are being thrown at original video. Most of that stuff will wind up with audiences smaller than many YouTube videos (YouTube already knows they have channels with audiences that exceed popular cable TV shows). The market for attention is being flooded and viewers won’t agree to being drowned. People are busy, time is short, and who wants to sit on their ass and vegetate like that? Even the most compelling original video series has an odor of death about it. I sometimes feel as if I’m sitting in a morgue staring at a multi-part dead body. YouTube, on the other hand, has life in it. But the way YouTube is all arranged — or, more to the point, deranged — is letting all of that enticement slip through their hands. YouTube friction and frustration are too damn high. With proper video indexing, people would be shown New Things All The Time. That’s the way it should be. And showing people New Things All The Time is something YouTube needs to win against the coming flood of original video series. Because microcasting is the future. YouTube is sitting on that piece of cheese right now — but the rats are circling, waiting to pounce and steal all of it. Apple might be clueless how to do it. Facebook — which is all algorihtmed-up — thinks it can. But there’s someone out there who’s no mouse: Jeff Bezos! Bezos is a shark. A shark with massive storage capacity. A shark who never sleeps. A shark with Prime Video. A shark who is dominating with Alexa! Alexa! Which came after Apple and Siri! So if YouTube thinks it’s invulnerable, go ask Siri how she feels being second to Alexa! (Don’t bother asking Google Home. Who even has one — unless YouTube employees were forced to take them for free. Man, would that hurt. But it would be justice!)

It’s time for YouTube to shape up. The hour is later than they think. This is no time for slacking.

“You’re a Slacker!” Back to the Future- Mr. Strickland Scene

Previously here (YouTube):

YouTube: Take Care Of Business Instead Of Glitz!
A Peek Inside The YouTube Algorithm
YouTube FAILS
New YouTube Behavior: Chat
New YouTube Behavior: Huge Share Box
New YouTube Behavior?
So Much YouTube Incompetency
YouTube FAIL
The World Finally Finds Out YouTube Search Sucks
YouTube Sinks Deeper Into Suck
New YouTube UI

Previously here (Original Video):

Katie Couric Jumps In Original Video Pool
A Million Viewers Isn’t Cool. You Know What Is?
I Disagree With Bob Lefsetz About Original Video
The Original Video Bubble Keeps Expanding
TimeWarner In Yet Another Massive Merger That Will FAIL
What Could Be Two Huge Changes
As Seen On VT
The Coming Collapse Of Original Video
Will Smith Signed By YouTube
Losted In Space
The End Of TV And Hollywood As We Knew Them
Adult Wednesday Addams: Genius!
More About Streampunks
Book: Streampunks
Your YouTube Video Is The Most Important Day Of Your Life
Breaking Apple

This entry was posted in So Stupid It Hurts, Video Services. Bookmark the permalink.

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